Saturday, January 24, 2009
Maybe that's why!
I've been thinking and praying for quite some time now about what I'm supposed to be. I've been so frustrated with the fact that I can't find my niche. I've had so many jobs and tried so many different majors and nothing seems to feel right. I love literature, but I've realized that is just a hobby for me and nothing I really want to pursue any further than that. I find science and the medical field so interesting, but being there never really sparked an intense passion in me. My parents as teachers job seemed like it was going to be so perfect but now I find myself just thinking, "Eh...it's ok." I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I keep praying to God to lead me where I'm supposed to be and show me what I'm supposed to do. I just came to the realization that I think He already has. God gave me a heart for a big family and I think what He is wanting me to do is take care of them and raise them. I keep feeling like He is saying to me, "Isn't that enough? What more could you want?" And when I really think about it, that IS all I want. I honestly love being home with my boys. I love getting them ready for school and making their meals and taking them where they need to go. I love sitting and watching a movie with them or playing cars with them or reading books to them. I feel like God is telling me that my calling is right here at home. Since I've been in this mindset, things have been great here at home. I look at what I do here as more of a "job" than I did before (and not in a bad way!!). I actually enjoyed making dinner this week, and doing the laundry, and making sure the house was picked up before Jason got home from work. I enjoyed doing these things not because they were expected of me (Jason is SO not like that) but because I really wanted to do them. It's a struggle for me to not work full time, I'll be the first to admit that, but Jason and I both like me being home and God has always provided for us and I know He will continue to do so. I actually feel very at peace for once.